Friday, 30 November 2012


This may come as a surprise to you, it may not. I was bullied.
Yes, for as long as I can remember I have had 1 to multiple bullies in my life.
When I was in elementary school I had several. Mostly classmates. I was teased, beat up, called names and most nights I spent crying from the torture I was being put through in school.
The first major school transfer I did from Hillcrest to Frank L. Bowser came because my parents thought taking me to a new school would help and I would make friends. Well, that didn't exactly work. I was very developed in Grade 6, and this brought a new type of bullying, from boys in Grade 6 who would grab me, comment on me, and yell what they would like to do to me sexually.
Then came junior high. This was met with a group of girls that would steal my clothes during gym class, throw things at me, beat me, and pick on me.
Then we got transfered back to Hillcrest. I was actually met with a small amount of popularity upon my return. Then I saw it, they had a new girl to torture. So being me, and not being able to stand seeing them do to her what they spent so many years before doing to me, I stood up and sat with her at lunch. that was the end of my popularity streak. I lasted at Hillcrest for about 3 months before I was transferred back to Riverview Junior High. My previous bullies had moved on to someone new, and I actually made some friends. Until the end of the year, when a girl who actually wanted to fight my sister decided to fight me instead as my sister had transfered to a new school. The problem, I won the fight. Beat the crap out of her! Her older sister then began to torture me. She would wait for me after class with friends, threaten to kill me, they would follow me through the halls yelling and taunting me. It was actually a guy we called Porky, real name Shawn, that decided he didn't like what he was seeing and he or a friend of his would wait for me after classes and walk me to my next class. I have always been very thankful that he took the time to do that. He didn't know me, but he stood up for me! Not sure what prompted him to do that.
I was then transferred to the Moncton Wesleyan Christian Academy! This is where I met a girl that would become one of my best firends for many years, and later the maid of honor at my wedding, Miriam! Miriam was the first real friends I had ever had, and I was 14.
I also met a new kind of bully at this school, not my classmates, but my teachers. I was called names mostly freak by them. Told I wasn't good enough to be at their school. I would come in and they would make fun of my clothes and make-up because I didn't look like the rest of the kids there. I wasn't prim and proper, not really my fault. I just didn't feel comfortable looking the way the other kids looked, and since I always felt ackward, and was told I wasn't good enough anyway, I may as well have something about me I liked!
After 3 years at that school, Miriam had been expelled over a year before, I requested to return to public school. The reason, the boys at the school had made it their pet project to beat the crap out of me on a daily basis. I would walk down the hall and get grabbed and have my head banged repeatedly off the wall, or elevator door if they met me in the right spot. I was hit and punched and told that I was worthless.
Most of these men are now Pastors, and a few hold high spots in various churches in Moncton.
So I returned to public school at Riverview High. By this time my education was a little scattered. Although I should have been in Grade 12, my math and sciences were at a grade 10 level. So I was at Riverview High for 2 years. While there I made new friends, they found me.
It seems I was Goth.
I had no idea what a goth was, we didn't have those at the Christian School, well apparently we did, it's just I was the only one and no one told me.
I became friends with my fellow outcasts. We were called names, mostly Satan and Marylin Manson. Teased, hit, had various items thrown at us while walking through the halls, however we suffered this abuse together!
When I graduated from Riverview High in 2000 I knew 2 people in my graduating class of over 300! I was pretty popular.
I am now 32.
I still have bullies in my life, but I see them differently now. I feel bad for them. How sad must your life be if all you can do is spread rumors, and belittle everyone around you who doesn't have a use to you at the moment.
Whatever! People need to grow up!
I am seeing things now as there is a big push on ending bullying. This is good. I would love if no one else had to suffer the way I did growing up.
The problem I have is how much power people give bullies after the fact. Tears streaming down their eyes "I was bullied, and I'm here today because of those bullies!"
You're gonna give those assholes the credit for what you became?
I still see people from time to time that were the people that bullied me growing up. Hell, my husbands cousin Emily's wedding was practically a reunion of various childhood bullies and me.
I don't like them. I don't want to chat with them. What are we gonna talk about? "Hey, remember that time I was walking through the halls in high School and you mimicked my lisp, call me Satan then tripped me? Good times *sigh*"
I walk away. I know who they are, they know who I am.
I am not here today because of them. I am not happily married with an awesome son, because of them. I am who I am because I chose to walk away and continue on with MY LIFE!
Stop giving these people control over who you become! I know it's hard, but if you live your life dwelling on the fact that you were bullied, then even when their gone they are still controlling you!

Wednesday, 21 November 2012

It just makes me mad!!!

Since the birth of my awesome son, there have been 3 times of the year that make me both very happy, and very sad. His Birthday, Halloween and Christmas.
It's not because I am a blubbery mother that cannot stand the site of her handsome little man growing up, it's actually the continued absence of a family member, and the stunts she chooses to pull on these occassions!
I have Endomitriosis. This is caused by cists in the uterus that occassionally explode. It can be extremely painful, and in allot of cases most woman cannot have children. I am one of the lucky ones that can, however there was a time when I was told I couldn't after a Dr. misdiagnosed the severity of it. When I met my husband almost 11 years ago, I met his mother. She was awesome! She was just so kind, and easy going. We would go out for coffees and dinners, I even invited her to a Fantasia party at my place once. Mat's mother also suffers from Endomitriosis, her case was much more severe then mine and caused her to be unable to have kids. Her and her now ex-husband adopted my husband when they were much older. When he was about 12 they got divorced.
After being married for a bit it occurred to me something was missing. This was not unusual, however it was a bit more then I was used to. I made the mistake of telling my mother in law I thought I might be pregnant. Careful to mention I had not taken a test, and nothing was for sure. It turned out I was not. About 2 years later I discovered I was in fact pregnant. I called to let her know, as my husbands poor head was about to explode and he couldn't bring himself to talk to me or look at me for about 3 days. I made my Dr.'s appointment, which was set for about a month later, and in that time I had to put up with constant taunts from my mother in law. "Do you have morning sickness? Have you seen the Dr yet?" My answer was "No." as I didn't have morning sickness at all while pregnant, and my Dr.'s appointment was weeks away. This was met with "Well, I've been down this road with you before, and I don't appreciate you saying your pregnant when you're not! I can't handle this from you!"
Well, I was pregnant, and when it was finally confirmed by a Dr. the constant nagging stopped, for a bit.
She became a completely different person. The nice woman I got along with so well, no longer existed. Everything I did, everything I was was wrong! I needed to change! It didn't matter that I owned my own home, that both my husband and I had good jobs, we were wrong! For my birthday she took me to a maternity store to buy me some clothes. I usually wear black clothes, and I picked some jeans, a black sweater and a black skirt. She got so mad, why wouldn't I get the bright yellow shirt with flowers! Or the pink skirt! I was going to be a mother after all and that meant changing to become the generic khaki wearing soccer mom she felt I should be. I refused to change who I was just because I was having a child. I don't think this baby cares if mommy is in style, just as long as I love him and take care of him. I had quit smoking as soon as the pink line appeared, I did not drink, I did not eat sushi, cut back on my coffee intake, showed up for every appointment, attempted to always sleep on my left side, as apparently it's better for the baby. I did everything I could to take care of this unborn child, so why did the clothes I wore matter so much?
She went on vacation for a few months. I can't remember exactly how long. I know she left after Christmas when I just barely had a baby bump, and when she came back I was huge! When she returned she was horrible! She would call us and yell at us, call us names, tell us we were going to be awful parents, and this child deserved better. We would get home from work and there would be 5 or 6 messages of her putting us down and screaming and crying into the phone. The woman had completely lost her mind!
When the time came, and I was about to be induced due to issues forming with preeclampsia very late in my pregnancy, we asked simply that only my husband and I be in the delivery room. I felt this was a fair request. My parents understood, and I thought she did as well. This was our child and our moment to meet him, and I wanted it to be a moment for us. As 1 day stretched in to 2, then slowly started creeping up to day 3 I had a c-section and my son was taken to the NICU. He was born with an infection due to my long labour. My husband made the calls, he was here, he was healthy, I was in recovery. Please don't come until we call so I can meet the baby first. Less then an hour later she was at my door. I was sitting in the bed dozing a bit due to the pain medication I had been given, I had an oxygen tube in as my oxygen levels had been dropping. I was tired, and I assume quite the site to see. She walked in, looked at me and said "Well! Look at you! Don't you look silly!" I looked at her and began crying, my husband walked in and asked what had happened, and she began hugging me saying it was okay. She looked at my husband and said "Where's my grandson?" he explained he was in the NICU and they were doing their rounds and we had to wait 15-20min.'s for them to finish before they could go in to see him. She began frantically waving her arms and yelling "FINE! THAT'S JUST FINE! YOU WON'T LET ME SEE MY GRANDSON! I CAME HERE TO SEE HIM AND YOU WON'T LET ME!" She then did a very elaborate choking crying noise, covered her mouth and ran out of the room making quite the scene in the process. My husband could not be bothered with her drama and came and sat beside me and I laid there stunned by what I had just experienced.
The rest is what we were told and managed to piece together from stories from relatives, and her own admission. She went home and called my mother in tears saying we told her off and denied her the chance to see him. I myself had yet to see him, but clearly her seeing him is more important. My mother said "They are tired and have had a long few days. Just ignore them and go back and see him." So she did!
The next day she came into the hospital went to the NICU announced she was Baby O'Blenis' granmother, as she did not know his name yet, and they let her in. She took him out of the incubator, had a photo session with him, then left without us ever knowing she was there.
That night after trying to reach her for 2 days and having numerous messages unreturned she called my cell phone. She screamed at my husband calling him every name she could think of, announced she saw the baby and we can't keep her away from him and hung up after 20 minutes of telling him waste of a person he was.
The next night she appeared at our home. I was still supposed to be in the hospital, however I was released a day early. We were packing to return to the hostile rooms available at the hospital so we could be with our son. I had not slept in 2 days, and my husband told me to get a few hours sleep before we returned and he would pack everything. She arrived at our door, he opened it, saw her and closed it in her face. She began yelling at the door calling him names, and he was so embarassed by what our neighbors would think he opened it and let her in. I woke up hearing her voice telling him off. I came downstairs and when I came around the corner she said "You're not supposed to be here!" Her and I got in to it pretty bad. She was yelling at me I was yelling at her, there was nothing being held back on either side. She left the house screaming like a Banshee "HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM FROM ME! YOU CAN'T STOP IT, HE'S MINE!"


Super creepy!

We returned to the hospital for our stay, and we didn't hear from her again, nor did we attempt contact. My son was released on Friday. Saturday we took him shopping at Wal-mart as he was to big for newborn clothes, and we had nothing smaller then 6 months available. Sunday we went for breakfast and my husband said lets bring him over to see my mom.
We did. It was strange. He pooped and she grabbed the rolled up dirty diaper and clutched it to her chest saying she was going to keep it in her memory box. He husband had to pry it out of her hands. The entire situation just did not sit right with me.
Then we found out. While my son was still in the hospital my mother had called her to see how she was, her husband, who has a very short temper answered and began telling my mother off. They had called Social Services on us 2 week before he was born. They call the hospital everyday to see if he has been released. As soon as he's home a worker from Social Services, who also happened to be good buddies with Jim, was coming to our home and taking the baby away. They had already signed the paperwork to become foster parents.
They were planning to take him from us!
This news did not come to light until a few weeks later as my mother had never intended to tell me. My father let it slip however. He is the one that put a stop to the entire thing when he walked in and saw my mom standing slack jawed with the phone to her ear and took it from and heard what was being said. If Jim thought he had a temper, he was not prepared for my fathers temper upon hearing this!
That was it for us! My husband cut her off completely. I have spoken with him and asked him to try, she's his mom after all. How would I feel if it were me and my son. I want nothing to do with her, but I feel if she were to pass away, the guilt may eat at him, so I want him to be sure of his decision.
When my son was a 1.5 years old she was in the hospital. I took him to see her without my husbands knowledge. The visit went okay, till the end when she began bad mouthing my husband and told me "It doesn't matter how he feels. You bring that baby to see me anytime!" Just ignore him, I just need to see that baby."
That was it for me. You can't have a relationship with my son and bypass the relationship with his parents, it just doesn't work!
She had sent gifts through people, and I sent her an e-mail asking her to stop. That if she wanted to give a birthday or Christmas gift she needed to call and we would pick it up, or she could bring it to us. That was at Christmas. At Easter she called. She came over while my son was napping, and the visit did not go well. She lies about everything! I got mad and left the room, when I did she began yelling at my husband calling him pathetic and he escorted her out of the house.
I sent her an e-mail a day or 2 later, I asked her if we could try again, and if we could both keep our tempers in check, and if she could bring herself to see my husband for the wonderful man and father he was, and stopped concentrating on the hair and clothes. That was 1.5 years ago. She has never responded, and has never sent another gift.
They moved at one point, she told us they had bought a house when she visited 1.5 years ago, but discussed and decided it was best not to let us know where they lived as they didn't feel people of our caliber deserved to know.
Some stories have made there way back to me. Most of them are just about me being a bitch. That's the only name she refers to me by, bitch!
She has told people my husband works part time at a minimum wage job and I am unemployed. We collect welfare, and I am spending us out of house and home. We have had to file banruptcy and I will not allow my husband to speak with her. I was a horrible bitch from day one and she never liked me!
None of this is true. We both work full time, we have never been on welfare, we have never filed for or even considered filing bankruptcy. It's all just stuff she makes up!
My personal feeling is the pity and attention she gets from these stories mean more to her then her son or her grandson. It makes me sick to my stomach and so very very mad!
How dare she use my family for her little game! How dare she claim she loves my husband but do nothing more then put him down and call him names!
How dare she tell people we are bad parents, when everything we do is for him and his health and safety!
Who the hell does she think she is?
And why do people believe every word she says without question and just peg us as the bad guys? I don't get it! I just don't understand this game, and I hate that I keep getting dragged in to her ridiculous world! I hate that my family is being used so she can get attention. I just don't understand!

Monday, 19 November 2012

The beginning...I guess

I have been told I should write a blog, or even a book.
Apparently my life is humorous, or sad, depending how you look at it.
If it's humorous, then well, it's either because my son did or said something funny, or because you are so happy you are not me at that moment you laugh out of pure joy!
I am 32 years old. I work full time as the Office Manager for a transportation company. I am married with 1 son who is 3 years old.
My life is pretty basic. I go to work, I come home. I also play Roller Derby.
My husband works full time for a health care company in the warehouse. He sings in a hardcore band.
We work, we practice, we occasionally play, but most of our time is spent at home cuddling on the couch or playing with our son.
My life is very basic.
Then why do ask are you bothering to read this?

I dunno...


I was hired by my company in early April. This was a joy for me, as not only was it a day shift M-F job out of the call center environment, but it was a raise in pay. Something I had not experienced in my 5 years of employment with the bank I was at. I like my job, most of the time. My boss goes from absolute sweetheart, to crazy swearing lady in about 5 seconds flat! That's just who she is, I can deal with it. Also all my communication with her is over the phone or e-mail as she works in a different Province. So I can hang up regroup and move on.
The biggest headache at my work for the past few months has been one of the local employees. On top of the fact that he was just a lazy employee that spent most of his time texting and fighting with his girlfriend, for the past few months he has been consistently hitting on me. I made it more then clear on more then 1 occasion that he needed to stop, and that not only was I not interested in any way, but that he had more then crossed a line, but it continued. He would stop for a few days, then start again. Telling me he was in love with me, asking me if I would consider leaving my husband, if I would consider an affair. Tell me about how he fantasizes about me, and then reports started coming in from other people that he would express to them in detail what he would do to me in bed!
This, was exhausting to deal with. On top of all the regular crap I have to deal with on a daily basis my guard was always up. My husband of course was told about everything that was being said, and when I finally made it clear that if it continued he would no longer be dealing with me but my husband, he just didn't return to work.
This happened on my birthday. You may think this was a wonderful birthday present, however his absence caused a huge problem with scheduling with other people and resulted in 2 days of me getting yelled at non stop by various people! The day after it happened I actually arrived to work in someone waiting in the parking lot to yell at me. So you can imagine how I was feeling.
For the past few months my mood and my energy level have been consistently dropping. Between employee complaints about every little thing, and the fact that they bicker like children and constantly come running to me to tattle on each other, my boss yells at me and blames me for every mistake everyone made whether I was directly involved or not! About 3 weeks ago I finally broke down and went to see the Dr. to request anti-depressants. I am not suicidal or anything like that, I am just having a harder time handling  my work life, and unfortunately it is starting to run over into my personal life. Most nights I am in bed by 7pm. I tuck my son in then go to bed myself. When my alarm clock goes off the next day, I have a hard time dragging myself out of bed despite my 11 hours of sleep. So I needed something to help me cope.
That's about it for now I guess.
Be back when there's something new to report.