Since the birth of my awesome son, there have been 3 times of the year that make me both very happy, and very sad. His Birthday, Halloween and Christmas.
It's not because I am a blubbery mother that cannot stand the site of her handsome little man growing up, it's actually the continued absence of a family member, and the stunts she chooses to pull on these occassions!
I have Endomitriosis. This is caused by cists in the uterus that occassionally explode. It can be extremely painful, and in allot of cases most woman cannot have children. I am one of the lucky ones that can, however there was a time when I was told I couldn't after a Dr. misdiagnosed the severity of it. When I met my husband almost 11 years ago, I met his mother. She was awesome! She was just so kind, and easy going. We would go out for coffees and dinners, I even invited her to a Fantasia party at my place once. Mat's mother also suffers from Endomitriosis, her case was much more severe then mine and caused her to be unable to have kids. Her and her now ex-husband adopted my husband when they were much older. When he was about 12 they got divorced.
After being married for a bit it occurred to me something was missing. This was not unusual, however it was a bit more then I was used to. I made the mistake of telling my mother in law I thought I might be pregnant. Careful to mention I had not taken a test, and nothing was for sure. It turned out I was not. About 2 years later I discovered I was in fact pregnant. I called to let her know, as my husbands poor head was about to explode and he couldn't bring himself to talk to me or look at me for about 3 days. I made my Dr.'s appointment, which was set for about a month later, and in that time I had to put up with constant taunts from my mother in law. "Do you have morning sickness? Have you seen the Dr yet?" My answer was "No." as I didn't have morning sickness at all while pregnant, and my Dr.'s appointment was weeks away. This was met with "Well, I've been down this road with you before, and I don't appreciate you saying your pregnant when you're not! I can't handle this from you!"
Well, I was pregnant, and when it was finally confirmed by a Dr. the constant nagging stopped, for a bit.
She became a completely different person. The nice woman I got along with so well, no longer existed. Everything I did, everything I was was wrong! I needed to change! It didn't matter that I owned my own home, that both my husband and I had good jobs, we were wrong! For my birthday she took me to a maternity store to buy me some clothes. I usually wear black clothes, and I picked some jeans, a black sweater and a black skirt. She got so mad, why wouldn't I get the bright yellow shirt with flowers! Or the pink skirt! I was going to be a mother after all and that meant changing to become the generic khaki wearing soccer mom she felt I should be. I refused to change who I was just because I was having a child. I don't think this baby cares if mommy is in style, just as long as I love him and take care of him. I had quit smoking as soon as the pink line appeared, I did not drink, I did not eat sushi, cut back on my coffee intake, showed up for every appointment, attempted to always sleep on my left side, as apparently it's better for the baby. I did everything I could to take care of this unborn child, so why did the clothes I wore matter so much?
She went on vacation for a few months. I can't remember exactly how long. I know she left after Christmas when I just barely had a baby bump, and when she came back I was huge! When she returned she was horrible! She would call us and yell at us, call us names, tell us we were going to be awful parents, and this child deserved better. We would get home from work and there would be 5 or 6 messages of her putting us down and screaming and crying into the phone. The woman had completely lost her mind!
When the time came, and I was about to be induced due to issues forming with preeclampsia very late in my pregnancy, we asked simply that only my husband and I be in the delivery room. I felt this was a fair request. My parents understood, and I thought she did as well. This was our child and our moment to meet him, and I wanted it to be a moment for us. As 1 day stretched in to 2, then slowly started creeping up to day 3 I had a c-section and my son was taken to the NICU. He was born with an infection due to my long labour. My husband made the calls, he was here, he was healthy, I was in recovery. Please don't come until we call so I can meet the baby first. Less then an hour later she was at my door. I was sitting in the bed dozing a bit due to the pain medication I had been given, I had an oxygen tube in as my oxygen levels had been dropping. I was tired, and I assume quite the site to see. She walked in, looked at me and said "Well! Look at you! Don't you look silly!" I looked at her and began crying, my husband walked in and asked what had happened, and she began hugging me saying it was okay. She looked at my husband and said "Where's my grandson?" he explained he was in the NICU and they were doing their rounds and we had to wait 15-20min.'s for them to finish before they could go in to see him. She began frantically waving her arms and yelling "FINE! THAT'S JUST FINE! YOU WON'T LET ME SEE MY GRANDSON! I CAME HERE TO SEE HIM AND YOU WON'T LET ME!" She then did a very elaborate choking crying noise, covered her mouth and ran out of the room making quite the scene in the process. My husband could not be bothered with her drama and came and sat beside me and I laid there stunned by what I had just experienced.
The rest is what we were told and managed to piece together from stories from relatives, and her own admission. She went home and called my mother in tears saying we told her off and denied her the chance to see him. I myself had yet to see him, but clearly her seeing him is more important. My mother said "They are tired and have had a long few days. Just ignore them and go back and see him." So she did!
The next day she came into the hospital went to the NICU announced she was Baby O'Blenis' granmother, as she did not know his name yet, and they let her in. She took him out of the incubator, had a photo session with him, then left without us ever knowing she was there.
That night after trying to reach her for 2 days and having numerous messages unreturned she called my cell phone. She screamed at my husband calling him every name she could think of, announced she saw the baby and we can't keep her away from him and hung up after 20 minutes of telling him waste of a person he was.
The next night she appeared at our home. I was still supposed to be in the hospital, however I was released a day early. We were packing to return to the hostile rooms available at the hospital so we could be with our son. I had not slept in 2 days, and my husband told me to get a few hours sleep before we returned and he would pack everything. She arrived at our door, he opened it, saw her and closed it in her face. She began yelling at the door calling him names, and he was so embarassed by what our neighbors would think he opened it and let her in. I woke up hearing her voice telling him off. I came downstairs and when I came around the corner she said "You're not supposed to be here!" Her and I got in to it pretty bad. She was yelling at me I was yelling at her, there was nothing being held back on either side. She left the house screaming like a Banshee "HE'S MINE! YOU CAN'T TAKE HIM FROM ME! YOU CAN'T STOP IT, HE'S MINE!"
We returned to the hospital for our stay, and we didn't hear from her again, nor did we attempt contact. My son was released on Friday. Saturday we took him shopping at Wal-mart as he was to big for newborn clothes, and we had nothing smaller then 6 months available. Sunday we went for breakfast and my husband said lets bring him over to see my mom.
We did. It was strange. He pooped and she grabbed the rolled up dirty diaper and clutched it to her chest saying she was going to keep it in her memory box. He husband had to pry it out of her hands. The entire situation just did not sit right with me.
Then we found out. While my son was still in the hospital my mother had called her to see how she was, her husband, who has a very short temper answered and began telling my mother off. They had called Social Services on us 2 week before he was born. They call the hospital everyday to see if he has been released. As soon as he's home a worker from Social Services, who also happened to be good buddies with Jim, was coming to our home and taking the baby away. They had already signed the paperwork to become foster parents.
They were planning to take him from us!
This news did not come to light until a few weeks later as my mother had never intended to tell me. My father let it slip however. He is the one that put a stop to the entire thing when he walked in and saw my mom standing slack jawed with the phone to her ear and took it from and heard what was being said. If Jim thought he had a temper, he was not prepared for my fathers temper upon hearing this!
That was it for us! My husband cut her off completely. I have spoken with him and asked him to try, she's his mom after all. How would I feel if it were me and my son. I want nothing to do with her, but I feel if she were to pass away, the guilt may eat at him, so I want him to be sure of his decision.
When my son was a 1.5 years old she was in the hospital. I took him to see her without my husbands knowledge. The visit went okay, till the end when she began bad mouthing my husband and told me "It doesn't matter how he feels. You bring that baby to see me anytime!" Just ignore him, I just need to see that baby."
That was it for me. You can't have a relationship with my son and bypass the relationship with his parents, it just doesn't work!
She had sent gifts through people, and I sent her an e-mail asking her to stop. That if she wanted to give a birthday or Christmas gift she needed to call and we would pick it up, or she could bring it to us. That was at Christmas. At Easter she called. She came over while my son was napping, and the visit did not go well. She lies about everything! I got mad and left the room, when I did she began yelling at my husband calling him pathetic and he escorted her out of the house.
I sent her an e-mail a day or 2 later, I asked her if we could try again, and if we could both keep our tempers in check, and if she could bring herself to see my husband for the wonderful man and father he was, and stopped concentrating on the hair and clothes. That was 1.5 years ago. She has never responded, and has never sent another gift.
They moved at one point, she told us they had bought a house when she visited 1.5 years ago, but discussed and decided it was best not to let us know where they lived as they didn't feel people of our caliber deserved to know.
Some stories have made there way back to me. Most of them are just about me being a bitch. That's the only name she refers to me by, bitch!
She has told people my husband works part time at a minimum wage job and I am unemployed. We collect welfare, and I am spending us out of house and home. We have had to file banruptcy and I will not allow my husband to speak with her. I was a horrible bitch from day one and she never liked me!
None of this is true. We both work full time, we have never been on welfare, we have never filed for or even considered filing bankruptcy. It's all just stuff she makes up!
My personal feeling is the pity and attention she gets from these stories mean more to her then her son or her grandson. It makes me sick to my stomach and so very very mad!
How dare she use my family for her little game! How dare she claim she loves my husband but do nothing more then put him down and call him names!
How dare she tell people we are bad parents, when everything we do is for him and his health and safety!
Who the hell does she think she is?
And why do people believe every word she says without question and just peg us as the bad guys? I don't get it! I just don't understand this game, and I hate that I keep getting dragged in to her ridiculous world! I hate that my family is being used so she can get attention. I just don't understand!